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Charlie got fat

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Charlie (who's gained a lot of mass in recent years): I need to lose weight so I'm going to the gym tomorrow for 3 hours me: that's good, but if losing weight is your goal you should focus on your diet Charlie: I know, it's just really hard to not overeat  me: yea I hear you. One thing you can try is to ask yourself whenever you're about to eat something if you're actually hungry. If not, wait until you're hungry, then have a small meal. Then repeat the whole process. Of course this is much easier said than done.  Charlie: interesting...I'll give it a try Next day Charlie calls me around noon Charlie: hey got a question for you me: sure, what's up? Charlie: how do I know when I'm hungry? me:...you don't know when you're hungry? Charlie: yea, I've never gone this long without eating something me: do you feel physical discomfort as a result of not eating? Charlie: no me: then you're not hungry
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Applying for a job

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 Years ago during college after I gave my boss' phone number to Charlie so he could apply for a part-time job at the same employer. me: Charlie, did you call the guy about the job?  Charlie: I did, but he didn't pick up so I'll wait for him to call me back me: what did you say in your voice message? Charlie: what do you mean?  me: ...you left a voice message right?  Charlie: no, but he saw that I called so he'll call me back me: how will he know it's you if you don't leave a message?  Charlie: I'm sure he'll see a missed call and call me back. I'll talk to him then me: are you going to try calling him again? Charlie: nah, I'll just wait for him to call me back He didn't get a callback  A few years later, Charlie applying for a different job me: how did the interview go? Charlie: it went well man, I feel good about it me: that's good Charlie: yea, but the HR person was on my case about not having shaved me: you didn't shave for the int...
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Drying off

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me: Did you use my bath towel? Charlie: Yea I needed to dry off after showering me: What the hell Charlie!? Why would you use my towel? Charlie: Come on, it's not a big deal me: That's gross, don't ever use my towel again Charlie: ok, ok A few days later Charlie comes out of the bathroom naked, carrying dirty clothes... me: Charlie you didn't use my towel again did you? Charlie: Don't worry, all good man me: But you don't have a towel on you...so... Charlie: Yea, I just wipe myself with the clothes I was wearing me: seriously, get yourself a towel
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Definitely not bedbugs

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Charlie: there's an ant in my bedroom that keeps biting me me: are you sure you don't have bedbugs? Charlie: no, definitely not bedbugs. It might be a spider. me: ...a spider? Charlie: yea, I found spider poop in my apartment
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Game of Thrones

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Charlie: is Game of Thrones based on something that happened in history? me: ...what? no Charlie: really? me: there are dragons in the show Charlie: yea but that's like when dinosaurs were around me: you do know that people and dinosaurs didn't coexist right? Charlie: really?
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You should get some sun

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Charlie: the weather's so nice today, we should go for a walk me: I would but I've got a lot of work that I need to get done first Charlie: oh come on, you need some sun. Get your vitamin C me: ...what? Charlie: from the sun me: ... Charlie: I'm just kidding! I know it's not vitamin C me: what is it then? Charlie: um...
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Instead of coffee...

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Find two cups of coffee on Charlie's desk me: hey Charlie, doubling down on caffeine?  Charlie: yea, but I should cut back on coffee. I've been drinking too much of it recently me: probably not a bad idea Charlie: I'll start drinking milk instead me: ...what?  Charlie: well like you've said before, when you drink too much coffee you build up a tolerance for caffeine, and it doesn't work as well me: I did say that...but why milk?  Charlie: I'm already drinking milk that's in the coffee so I'll just remove the coffee me: why not drink water? 
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